tofallfromgrace.com : the blog

my newest haircolor. . .if i was an indian, my name would be “woman of many haircolors”. . . 

being a sex goddess, i decided to copy at least part of what she was. . .i now have the platinum hair that made her transformation from norma jean to marilyn complete. i have to do something to show the power i’ve accessed by turning 28.

i’ve been suffering under a cold turned bronchitis for several days now. my fever hasn’t broken yet and i’ve been seeing green pixies and purple leprachauns running about the house. the thing is that they could at least be cleaning up, seeing as i’m too exhausted to do it myself. but no, they’re just running amuck amuck amuck, making things even dirty than they already were, leaving their pet dust bunnies laying around my formerly clean home.

xanadu decided to go carousing through a cockleberry bush and is filled with burrs. silly little dog.

i’ve slept all day. watched the movie monster with charlize theron, very disturbing.

my dad arrives next monday. *gulp* i’m trying to get my stuff together prior to him getting here. i know he’s going to take up all my time. i hope we don’t kill each other before the month is up! he just talks so much now that he’s gotten older, and i don’t need as much advice from him as when i was younger. i ask when i need advice. yet he still barrages me with words of wisdom and then is hurt when i don’t follow them to the letter. grr. parents. . .have to love them. . .right?

marty has been around a lot more. it has been good and bad. i miss the freedom that i was becoming accustomed to, but then again it’s nice to know the house is getting work done on it that i couldn’t do alone. i don’t know if i want to work it out with him because it is the safe thing to do, or because i truly can’t live without him. how do you know if you are settling? maybe it’s not settling if you have the security you need to go forward, even if you don’t have everything you want out of the relationship.

i’m so confused and my heart aches from indecision.

the service in this place is terrible…that barman i hired is having a small tipple on the side i think.
been standing here waving my £10 note for 15 minutes and he’s nowhere to be seen.
so hold back on the tips folks…he might buck up his ideas…
in the meantime grab a can from the bunch i brought with me for situations like this…

my garden 

the numerous mini-tragedies and mini-triumphs throughout the day can bring you to a point where you fall into bed feeling as if you’ve conquered the world or been shit on by it.  today is one whose accounts i choose not to balance.  i’ll call it a draw, strictly because i don’t have the energy to examine, point by point, whether it was good or bad.

i don’t have email addresses right now, so if you could send them my way….i don’t know if the small amount of data they were able to preserve included my address book or not and i haven’t been back to get it put back on the computer anyway.

jason, i did get your phone message, but couldn’t make out what your email was.  i’ll be online all day tomorrow if you want to try and hook up, real time instant message.  with yahoo messenger i’m savagecinema.  i’m so much better online than i am on the phone.  it’s up to you….i guess i could prattle on with you over the telephone, but i always feel stressed and unable to be myself.  i guess that’s the price you pay for having a longterm, online friendship with someone?  the inability to speak to them in person.  i think they may have a support group for people like me.

went to dinner and a movie….catwoman….it was pretty good….a bit slow, but one of the better comic book adaptations i’ve seen.  birthday in two days.  going to find that rock to hide under now.

seemingly a thousand drivers, program downloads, installations and curses hurled at the unforgiving computer and i am .  .  . approximately 1% finished in reconfiguring the new harddrive.  *insane laughter*

just for the record, if my hdd dies again i will be unable to hang onto even a shred of sanity.  it’s like what i would liken to losing a child, or maybe a pet.  on the other hand, it’s nice to have a clean slate to start with.   especially since mart and i are doing the split thing and the computer has been relegated to my custody.

hey all!  just wanted to let you know that the computer is back online!  doing a happy dance!  glad to be back.  the stagger inn is open for business…and mystic…the stagger inn is a registered trademark of lupine, so you’ll have to ask him if you can open one in england….*smile*

ok, since i have no outlook express and no access to most people’s addresses, i’m going to repost my number here temporarily instead of emailing it.  no prank phone calls, like calling to say i’ve won a million dollars and a date with cillian murphy!  not sure about country code, and too lazy to look it up *smile*  but phone number is 620-249-9379.
 
all my love to the stagger inn patrons who are patiently waiting for the remodeling to be over.

just a quick note to let you know that i’m offline indefinitely, until my new harddrive arrives and is installed. this is the second harddrive in two years. the tech told me “not to ride them so hard” thinking he was funny. ha ha ha. i’m dealing with losing marty, losing anth, losing my computer, losing my mind. the tech is lucky he got away only maimed, not murdered. so. i’m offline and will try to stop by occasionally. will let you know when my baby computer is back in working order.

My grandfather died on this day almost 20 years ago. We were all at my grandmother’s house, watching the fireworks display over NYC on television. It had just finished when she received the phone call saying that he had died. He had alzheimers and had been in a care facility for 24-hour nursing due to his failing health.

One happy memory: four years ago, to this day, to almost this very hour, I arrived home (Kansas City, MO at this time) from a 12-hour drive (I had been in Colorado visiting friends/family). I found Marty in the huge crowd in the park and we walked across the street to our apartment building. Up the nine floors we went in the ancient elevator. There in our bedroom, replacing the inflatable mattress/futon mattress combo we had used for six months (set directly on the floor, no frame for us poor ducks) was a bedroom suite. A big tall bed with brand-new sheets, pillows–the works. It was a surprise birthday (mine)/wedding present from his parents to us; we had been engaged for about three months at this point.

Two days ago I asked Mart for a list of items he wanted from the house; his list:

T.V.
Stereo
Coffee Table
Bedroom Suite*
*I’ll leave mattress and frame, just dresser and headboard
Tiger blanky
Old DVD playa
Knicknacks (3 monkeys, pipes, gargoyle plaque)
!!and thats all I need!!
and this lamp, and that’s all.

An aside to this. . .the note was on the computer table, far away from any lamp we own, so the lamp issue is still up for debate.

So now I’m back where I started. . .mattress on the floor, and when he takes the big television, a 13 inch version of tvland. Good thing I’m getting the cable turned off to save money, otherwise this might make me a bit grumpy.

Thus, July 4th has never had the same meaning to me as to everyone else in the states. Mine seems to be a day of change, rather than celebration.