to leave kansas:
my neighbor’s wife left him. again.
now he keeps showing up for random reasons, usually very drunk and very high.
weirdest reason to come knocking on my door? direct quote from him: “i was shooting my bb gun at the trash barrels and may have hit your house. didn’t want you to worry or nothing. of course, there’s no way that little gun would shoot all the way over here. i’ve been shot in the leg with a bb gun and it didn’t even break the skin.”
listening to him ramble on took valuable minutes away from my life in which i could have been doing something constructive like calling my psychic friend hotline or buying something from qvc. i know, i know. neither of those things are constructive but they are still better than listening to this neanderthal!
first, why are you shooting at the trash barrels with a bb gun? did they piss you off somehow or are you just really, really, really bored?
second, why come tell me you may have hit my house with a bb and then tell me there is no way you could have done that because the gun is not powerful enough? make up your mind and when you have made up your mind, do not come back to tell me. i do not care.
third, why brag that you have been shot with a bb? please do not tell me any more of the story. again, i do not care.
needless to say i check all the locks in the house before i go to bed. about twenty times.
one week, two days.
i can deal with this.
i am going to be hiding over here, okay? under the covers. behind the locked door. with a bat in one hand and a redneck dictionary in the other.
mood music.